How to Connect Pleasure, Pain, and Grief
Do you run away from grief and pain? Do you let it take you over? What if there was a way to invite pleasure into the space where grief and pain live?
On July 15th, sacred intimate and student/teacher of Tantra, Adam Bee joined us in the Virtual Curiosity Salon and led us through an exploration of our body; challenging us to simply feel and be present in our grief or pain and inviting pleasure into the experience. We were guided through an embodied meditation which encouraged us to bring nourishing touch to the places in our body where we felt our grief and to allow that touch to expand into self-love and healing. It was both an individual and communal experience. Here are a few things that we learned:
Our grief and pain are a part of us. It is important to “make friends” with our grief and pain and understand that ignoring it or running away from these feelings will result in feeling less connected to our whole selves. By creating a safer space to feel these emotions and inviting empathy, self-love, and even pleasure into that space, we can begin to tolerate the discomfort that comes with grief and pain and move towards healing.
Our experiences are unique. Although pain and grief are common shared human emotions, everyone experiences and processes these emotions in unique ways. A good place to start exploring your pain and grief is to locate them in your physical body and bring nourishing touch to the area along with deep, full breaths into your heart chakra.
It may be difficult but it is worth it. It’s natural for our brains to avoid, ignore, suppress, and/or move past pain thus we naturally resist sitting with pain and grief. However, there are rewards to be found in accepting the challenge of bringing focus to these feelings and letting them transform into love, empathy, and pleasure. Through this, we can start the healing process.
Interested in trying this at home?
Begin by setting your intention and creating time and space for you to be present with yourself.
Wear comfortable clothes or no clothes at all, whatever allows you to feel embodied and connected. Take several deep breaths and focus on being present with your body. While in this meditative state, allow yourself to feel your grief or pain. Invite in the feeling while allowing yourself to release the story that brings up the grief or pain.
During this time, your work is to simply feel.
Discover where that grief or pain lives in your body, scan your body, and notice how your body shifts when you let that grief in and continue to focus on your breathing. Starting with one finger, then several fingers, then both hands, provide a soft and nourishing touch to the place on your body where you feel the grief or pain. Allow yourself to connect with the feeling while beginning to introduce comfort to that part of your body. Allow your touch to expand to other parts of your body as you continue to invite in empathy, care, and pleasure. Provide space for yourself to fully feel both your grief or pain and the pleasure and healing of self-love. Once you feel ready, become grounded and aware of your full body, take another deep breath, and end with a deep bow of gratitude to that grief.
If you are interested in following along with Adam’s embodied meditation, you can watch the workshop on our Patreon where the recording will be posted in the coming weeks. You can also listen to Adam’s interview about how tantra can heal trauma, pain, and grief on the Curious Fox Podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Still have questions? Visit our website, come to one of our events, check out the podcast, or find community on Facebook and Patreon. You do not need to figure this out on your own; stay find and connect a curious community of friends.
Art by @alphachanneling
To hear more curious and courageous stories, subscribe to Curious Fox for free. Each week you will find more stories and lessons, as well as ways that you can explore your curiosity.