30 Date Night Ideas That Will Transform Your Relationship(s)
Illustration by @rorymidhani
Dinner & drinks is the common go-to for many date nights, be it a first date or a standing date night in an established relationship. Desires for romance, fun, connection, and intimacy all get distilled down to a meal and a drink.
DATES HAVE IMPACT WHEN THEY HAVE PURPOSE
Dates are about more than just spending time together. Particularly during the pandemic when our social lives were reorganized, spending time together took on new meaning. We may have been around our partners all of the time or we may have been cut off from partners entirely yearning for time together, but there is a difference between quantity of time and quality time. Often an hour or two of intentional time is worth more than a full day with no real purpose.
Date nights without intention often feel like an:
obligation /chore
afterthought
haphazard/ disorganized
Potentially leading to:
disconnection
resentment
loneliness
The opposite of what we ideally want from our time together. Setting aside time to plan the date (research, making reservations, shopping for items that you may need…etc), as well as deciding who’s in charge of planning or whether it’ll be co-created, is an important part of the experience.
Check out Episode 111 of the Curious Fox podcast to catch Effy Blue and Jacqueline Misla challenge the traditional date night (or day or weekend date) ideas, and ask: What if you could have an experience that is tailored to exactly what your relationship needs at this moment?
TUNE IN TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP(S) NEEDS
Every relationship needs something different at any given moment, and those needs change over time. A nesting partnership might need an infusion of fun and play while an auxiliary relationship might have more of a need for connection. Understanding where you feel full and satisfied within your relationships, and where you feel empty and experience longing is key to designing a date night experience that will meet those needs.
To assess where you feel full and empty in your relationships, Jacqueline, change strategist and the co-host of the Curious Fox podcast, offers a tool that she uses with her clients called the Fuel Gauge activity.
Most cars rely on gas to move, and use a fuel gauge to let you know when you need to fill up. You can ignore the fuel gauge and continue to drive without filling your tank, but eventually your car will stall and remain stuck.
Similarly, relationships need “fuel” in order to thrive. You can ignore the signs and keep pushing through without meeting those needs but eventually your relationship will also stall and remain stuck.
The Fuel Gauge activity provides an opportunity for you to identify all of the aspects of your relationship that are important to you, and then to measure how full or empty you are feeling in those areas of your relationship.
understanding
connection
fun, playfulness, joy
romance
growth
variety
sexual connection…
What does your relationship need at this moment?
BE CREATIVE ABOUT HOW TO MEET THOSE NEEDS
Effy and Jacqueline propose 30 date ideas to creatively design experiences to meet a variety of relationship needs:
Understanding
Whether it is a new relationship and you are just getting to know each other, or it is a long term relationship and you want to clear your cache and view your partner anew, understanding is an important part of every relationship.
1. Get a Virtual Tarot Card Reading - for more on this, listen to Episode 98: Magic Embodiment and Sexuality with Haylin Belay
2. Take a Personality Test - from the classics to a buzzfeed quiz, explore the serious and the silly
3. Play with Conversation Cards - some of our picks are: Holstee, {the And}, and Where Should We Begin, or go old school and play 20 questions
4. Have a Potluck - have each person make or bring their favorite cultural dish or dish from their childhood
Connection
Connection is essential for creating and nurturing the bond between people in a relationship. Designing time and activities to deepen connection, be it physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual, can strengthen and renew that bond.
5. Create a Couple’s Bucket List - brainstorm things that you would like to do together in the future, places you would like to go, and experiences you would like to have
6. Cook a Restaurant-Quality Meal - find a simple or complicated recipe and work together in the kitchen to cook, eat, and clean this special meal…for bonus points, add music, your favorite cocktail or mocktail, and dessert
7. Have an Electricity-Free Date Night - turn off more than just your devices, try turning off all of the electricity for a night and see how that sparks your creativity
8. Design a Love Languages Night - think cooking for each other, eye contact, poetry, massage, and homemade gifts, let you and your partner(s)’ love language to inspire a list of activities
Playfulness, Fun, and Joy
We know that relationships need hard work and dedication to keep them alive and thriving, but we cannot underestimate the importance of joy and play. As adults living in an adult world in adult relationships, we might need to make an intentional effort to lighten things up and really focus on fun with almost a child-like enthusiasm.
9. Be a Kid Again - do arts & crafts, have an indoor camp out, play video games, do a puzzle, take out the adult coloring books, have a board game night, or play (sexy) truth or dare
10. Have a Competition - have a bake off, a dance competition, a race, or a drawing contest
11. Go Outside - go roller skating, bike riding, trampolining, hula hooping, or an outdoor scavenger hunt
Growth (Learning Something New)
Growing together might be one of the most profound ways to nurture a relationship - especially for those who value variety and newness in their lives and in their connections. Learning something new together can feed intellectual connection, inspire co-creation, and even generate healthy spaces for individuation within relationships that have a tendency towards enmeshment and codependency.
12. Take a Class - glassblowing, cooking, painting, personal growth, etc. - indulge in your curiosity together
13. Read a Book Together - you can read the same book and discuss or read to each other
14. Learn a Language - then plan a trip to a restaurant, neighborhood, or even country where you can practice together
Variety
Sometimes we just need something different. A need for variety is one of the reasons why people choose non-monogamy as a relationship structure. Having multiple partners can definitely meet that need - though sometimes we might find ourselves doing the same things with different people. Whether we are in a relationship with one other person or investing in multiple connections, the need for variety can be met through the way we design our time together.
15. Plan a Vacation - sometimes you just need a change in scenery (particularly if you’re feeling claustrophobic after years of COVID) - plan a weekend trip nearby or an adventure on the other side of the world
16. Stream a Live Performance - bring music, culture, and the arts to your living room by streaming a concert, opera, or play
17. Be a Tourist in Your City - explore your city or town with new eyes, visit local hot-spots, take a bus or walking tour, visit a museum, or explore a neighborhood that you have not been to before
18. Invite Other People - invite another couple, mutual friends, or other partners (if you are in an open relationship), add variety by adding people to your activities
Romance
Romance is described as the idealization of love enacted through courtship. Although love expressed entirely through romance can create relationships that lack depth, a relationship without romance can feel platonic or familial. Relationships, especially more established ones, can lose their whimsy over time so intentionally designing romantic time together can ignite delicious feelings of adoration, devotion and love.
19. Go Stargazing - blanket + stars = romantic evening out - for bonus points, get there early and watch the sunset before the stars come out
20. Mutual Massages - take turns giving each other foot, hand, head, or full body massages, practice asking for what you want and saying what feels good, as well as paying attention to your partner’s pleasure through their verbal and body cues
21. Play Mixologist - grab some fresh fruit, some simple syrup, and your favorite cocktail or mocktail recipes and turn your kitchen into a speakeasy - you can also try new beer, wine, or spirits by creating your own beer flight or wine/ spriri tasting menu
Sexual Connection
Even though we might be having regular sex with our partners, if we are stuck in our sexual scripts, these encounters may not fulfill our need for sexual connection over time. Making intentional time to discover, reconnect, nurture and share our sexual expression can not only support our relationships with others, it can also significantly feed our relationship with ourselves.
22. Take a Class - there are a number of in-person online classes you can take that are both fun and educational, learn from a professional about new toys, new movies, and new ways of exploring your bodies - check out these friends of the Fox: Pleasure Chest, Lola Jean, Miss Shayla, and Dirty Lola
23. See a Pro Dom - engaging with a pro dom or another sex professional can provide you with a space to learn or explore something with an expert - check our Episode 86: How to Find a Sex Worker with Miss Shayla and Episode 87: Daddy, BDSM, and Gender Fckry with Lucy Sweetkill
24. Go Toy Shopping - shopping online or in a store can be a fun way to explore new things and see what feels good - check out our blog post on Choosing the Perfect Sex Toys for You and Your Partner(s) and get 15% off at Dame by using promo code CURIOUSFOX
25. Try Tantra - breath + eye contact = deep sexual connection - check out Episode 110: Exporting Tantra with Barbara Carrellas
APPLY THIS TO ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Intentional experiences and quality time designed to strengthen, deepen and nurture relationships don’t need to be limited to your romantic partnerships. Plan dates with friends, family, and with yourself!
Date with Friends or Family
26. Themed Meal & Movie - choose a movie and a meal to match (tune into Episode 111 to hear all about how Jacqueline and her family recently watched Turning Red with dumplings and West Side Story with pernil, rice and beans)
27. Make Crafts or Art - draw portraits of each other, paint portraits of the dog, make jewelry for the other person made of pasta or do some creative DIY around the house together… see what materials you have around the house and be creative
28. Just Leave the House - sometimes a change in environment, minus the distractions of our day-to-day life, can allow for deeper connection - go for a walk and get some ice cream or hot chocolate
Date with Yourself
29. Dinner and a Movie - yes, we said that this should not be a go-to, but dinner out or ordered-in and a new or favorite movie on your own is sometimes just the thing you need to fill your personal tank
30. Romance Yourself - have an evening with candles, bubble baths, tapas, and some one-on-one time, check out Episode 113: Mental Health Awareness Month, F*** Bubble Baths & Self Care
The list could go on. Just remember:
assess your relationships needs by exploring where you feel full or empty
co-design experiences that focus on the areas that need the most attention
be creative and have fun; dates are quality time designed to infuse connection, play, and variety into your relationship…not to save it (for that, you may need a coach)
you don’t have to get it right every time but consistency is key; plan bi-weekly or monthly dates to maintain the creativity and intentionality
set aside time for planning a date as well as the date itself and decide who’s incharge of the planning or whether you’ll be co-creating
Share your ideas
Share your favorite date night ideas on our Facebook Group, and connect with other Foxy listeners.
Illustration by @michaelldraws
Still have questions? Check out the podcast, or find community on Facebook and Instagram. You do not need to figure this out on your own; stay find and connect with a curious community of friends.
To hear more curious and courageous stories, subscribe to Curious Fox for free or find us on Patreon for even more bonus content. Each week you will find more stories and lessons, as well as ways that you can explore your curiosity.