7 Tips for Mindful Masturbation

Artwork by @alvarocastrodesign

Stella Harris joined us in the Virtual Curiosity Salon to discuss how we can begin to change our #selfcare routine to include self-love and pleasure.

What can we do to move past the stigmas that we currently hold in our minds about masturbation, our bodies, and pleasure? 

Understand that our bodies and minds are flexible. 

We often change our routines without reason. So why is it that we find something that feels good and gets us to the finish line while self-pleasuring we never think to try something else? Stella doesn’t mean just trying a new toy or another position, she challenged us to consider different erogenous zones to achieve orgasm. Studies have shown that paralyzed folks have been able to achieve orgasm by paying extra close attention to different body parts. You may not have an orgasm on your first try, but definitely a fun experiment.

Acknowledge that our words have power. 

It may not seem like much when we walk past a mirror and think, “wow, I hate my arms” or “I wish I had a bigger…” but really, we’re establishing negative thoughts about ourselves that may be affecting the way we enjoy ourselves when masturbating. Positive self-talk is essential. Try looking into the mirror and say one positive thing to yourself before you masturbate and see how it feels. Your mental state might improve, you’ll be kinder to yourself, and you’ll probably finish the day with a few great mirror selfies!

Make solo time a priority. 

Don’t push solo time back on the schedule or substitute it to catch up on work. Set a time, stick to it, and really enjoy it. Let the people in your life know that you’re unavailable to them during that time and find a ritual! An added bonus of setting time aside? You create mental cues that can help you create an arousal response. By having something to look forward to you’re creating a sort of full-day foreplay experience. Anticipation.

Seduce yourself.

We wear lingerie for partners, give them a sexy massage, light candles, and set the mood. Why don’t we do that for ourselves? Something as simple as undressing slowly in front of a mirror before a shower or bath, since we’re going in that direction anyway, can really set the mood. Take it up a notch and do it in front of the mirror once you feel comfortable enough. Explore your body from head to toe and touch yourself in differing ways. Give yourself a shoulder massage, caress your arms and legs, touch parts of your body less explored, and test different levels of firmness.

Create a sex nest. 

Pleasure feels the best when we’re the most comfortable. Swaddle yourself like a baby, try a weighted blanket or eye mask, cuddle with stuffed animals or pillows, light candles, etc. Explore what your preferred surroundings are. Prep yourself and your space as if you have a long-awaited date coming over and see how that feels. 

Discover the kind of touch that you like.

Do you prefer soft or firm strokes? Your fingertips or fingernails when caressing your body? Experiment with different forms of touch over and over again, then do it again some more without expecting an outcome. Our bodies change and our preferences shift right alongside them. Keep in mind that arousal can change sensation response. Something that may feel terrible on an average day may create an orgasmic experience during a moment of arousal. Try keeping a pleasure journal. Record the date and as many details as you can. Revisit those experiences when you’re in a different mood and record what’s changed.

Get to know yourself.

You’re probably most familiar with your body with a first-person view. Explore your body with a hand mirror during different times of the day. Your genitals look very different when you’re aroused from how you usually see them, take a note right the next time you’re preparing for a night of self passion. Take pictures of yourself, share them if you feel comfortable, but do it so that you can get familiar with your body. Appreciate it for what it is. It’s natural, beautiful, and capable of so many incredible sensations.

Stella ended the night with a demonstration of touch techniques for both vulvas and penises!  She walked us through genital hugging, why we should focus on certain areas, the value in slowing down, and so much more! You can catch the entire workshop on our Patreon soon. 

Self-pleasure is just as important as any other form of pleasure. Treat it with a willingness to explore your options and embark on a journey of trial and error.

Still have questions?  Visit our website, come to one of our events, check out the podcast, or find community on Facebook and Patreon. You do not need to figure this out on your own; stay find and connect a curious community of friends.

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