How to Be a True Ally: Self-Education
I grew up with one older sister and two little brothers. I was lucky enough to make it all the way to the 6th grade never having heard that the LGBTQIA+ community was “wrong.” I have quite a few gay and lesbian cousins, I was once rumored to be the lesbian cousin, my best friend in middle school was and is a gay man, and my high school best friend was and is a lesbian. Because of all this, I’ve always made a conscious effort to educate myself on the community and how to support them so I wouldn’t be that person expecting to be educated because it is a “new” concept and I could call out the ignorance among my older family members.
This year for pride my 14-year old sister, who was previously my 14-year-old brother, came out as trans. The journey leading up to such a proud moment was a learning experience for me. I’ve always considered myself a true ally. Someone who defended the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community by educating those around me about their biases and encouraging them to step away from the norms society has prescribed us by reading, listening, understanding, and having meaningful conversations with folks in the community. But as my sister was stepping into her gender identity I often found myself asking questions that made her feel uncomfortable and that I could have answered on my own.
I assumed that my sister would educate me on what being trans was to her. But I forgot that she is very young, still learning herself, and afraid of how, or if, the world would accept her.
As a reader, I hit the internet looking for stories of thriving, stories of discomfort, medical definitions of the gender reassignment process, articles on the history of the trans community, and anything else that would help me better understand how I could make myself a better ally for my sister. This opened the door for conversations that felt much more comfortable and supportive for her and I, in the same sense, was able to help her discover more about the community she’d be a part of and what the second arc of her journey could look like. We were also able to find better ways to communicate with our family who had zero first-hand experience with the trans community and were often insensitive with their assumptions of what this journey should look like for her.
Pride is coming to an end and as the celebrations wind down the conversations on how we can support the LGBTQIA+ community will begin to wind down as well. We are currently in the middle of a pandemic and the resurgence of a civil rights movement with Black Lives Matter. I believe it is important to carry on all of the progress we’ve seen these past weeks and continue to learn, support, and challenge the status quo. We should not expect those living in the fight to educate us at the same time. It is our responsibility to change the noise around us and find resources for self-education. Self-education is one of the most important steps to becoming a true ally. Read articles, watch documentaries, listen to podcasts, and have informed conversations that further your education. Asking “what does this mean to you” as opposed to “what does this mean” can make all the difference for someone to feel supported.
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