How to Give and Receive Socially Distant Touch
Disclaimer: We always want to be radically honest with our Fox community so, I have to say as the author of this piece - there really is no equal substitute to physical touch. We are social creatures and skin on skin contact has been scientifically proven to benefit us in innumerable ways. That being said, I do firmly believe that we can find: 1) ways to treat ourselves with touch 2) strategies to cope with less touch 3) practice and hope for the future of touching. Please read on with that in mind.
We’re in a time where physical touch could be considered a scarce commodity. Whether we’re isolating alone or with others, the pandemic has brought to bear some of our most vulnerable desires for human contact. For many in our community, multiple relationships mean an even more difficult challenge to contend with. When we began social distancing last spring boundaries had to shift, and now, for some, we are not only missing general touch but also the specific touch of those we love and are not able to see regularly. While we humbly believe there are never substitutes for humans, there are ways to be together. Together in touch, in communication, in the collective consciousness - this propels us out of loneliness and helps us to connect even while we are far apart.
Gravity Blankets
Unless you’ve been living under a rock (and thus already have your weighted habitation needs met) we can’t be the first place you’ve seen this suggestion. Weighted blankets have weighed in on the conversations around anxiety and stress through the discovery of their reduction benefits. One study suggests weighted blankets decrease perceived anxiety in users by over 50%.
Manufacturers recommend a blanket no more than 30 lbs and 10% of your body weight.
Poly Pro-tip: Weighted blankets (or body pillows) are a great gift for a partner you’re missing. This offering is a romantic way to let them know you’re looking forward to the day you’re able to wrap them in the warm embrace of a hug - even though for now wrapping them in a blanket will have to do. Bonus points for you if gift-giving happens to be your partner’s love language.
Personal Massager
While we may not feel lucky about much right now, we do seem to be pretty lucky in our access and options for great personal massagers. Technology has afforded us massagers in all shapes, sizes, materials, purposes, and price ranges; plus many massagers are specifically designed and intended to mimic real human touch.
Massage helps to ease tension in our bodies, relax muscles that may be even more tense than usual, and comfort us overall. Especially if you’re living alone, but even if you’re not, and want to prioritize stress abatement, investing in a personal massager can be a great option to help ease mind and body.
Let your partner(s) pick what you purchase and research together based on how they’d like to touch you or how you’d like to caress each other. You could even purchase the same one and participate in a virtual spa night.
Masturbation
Friends of the Fox will know that we recommend self-stimulation for all that ails you. In this context - and it goes without saying - masturbation is especially powerful because it can literally entail skin on skin contact.
Masturbation is the best way to connect with your sexual self as well as ground your physical body. It is a known sleep aid and helps your body produce important stress-relieving chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. We absolutely recommend manual, skin-on-skin masturbation, but this is also a great opportunity to try out toys and discover what turns you on.
If you have multiple partners, consider partnered masturbation or virtual play parties. Playing together in this way can even lead you to a deeper discovery of each other’s bodies for when you’re able to physically connect again.
Pets
If you’re in a financial and physical state that allows for animals, pets are a great way to experience touch. Like few other items are our list, this option offers a real opportunity for the warm, skin-on-skin contact we crave.
Pets are an obvious motivator to get us outdoors and moving, but some studies suggest dog owners even experience a decrease in blood pressure. Coupled with the higher vitamin D levels (shown to decrease the likelihood of contracting COVID-19) your new pet could be the best thing you’ll do for your health this year.
If you and your partner live in the same city you can consider co-pet-parenting. As long as there is buy-in from all parties, we say the more pet-parents the merrier! This can be a great opportunity to meet up for social distance hang-outs in the park.
Reassess and Openly Discuss Risk Tolerance
More than likely, strategies for pandemic self-preservation will be a part of our reality for some time. Now that we all have more information and increased experience this could be a good time to reassess risk tolerance with your partner(s).
Steve Dean spoke with us this summer and gave some great tips on how to make social decisions with the pandemic in mind.
Some of us are even starting to find ways to meet new people. Effy Blue speaks about this in a conversation with fellow fox Jacqueline Misla in the podcast episode Dating in a Pandemic.
As always, open, honest communication is paramount. The best way to feel comfortable and cared for is to ensure all parties’ voices are heard and securities are accounted for. Who knows, if your people come to an agreement, or you meet someone who shares your tolerance, you could be coming into physical contact sooner than you think.
*Please remain aware of how your choices affect others and do your very best to make sure you’re keeping yourself and others safe from this deadly virus.*
This hold on touch is temporary, but still so very difficult for many of us. Above all, know that we see you, we understand and we’re in this together. There are plenty of resources out there for you and, of course, your fox community is always here for support. Lead with empathy, friends, and as always:
Stay curious!
Still have questions? Check out the podcast, or find community on Facebook and Instagram. You do not need to figure this out on your own; stay find and connect with a curious community of friends.
To hear more curious and courageous stories, subscribe to Curious Fox for free or find us on Patreon for even more bonus content. Each week you will find more stories and lessons, as well as ways that you can explore your curiosity.