Masturbation as Self-Love and Care
Art by @alvarocastrodesign
Have you ever considered romancing yourself? Really taking the time to make yourself feel special? Often we do so much for the other people in our lives, and rarely take the same care when it comes to our own needs.
A good friend of mine married herself for her 30th birthday. It was the ultimate commitment to putting herself first. Her advice to me? Think about what words you would say to a partner and say those words to yourself; “You are so beautiful. I’m here for you forever.”
And while a wedding ceremony might be a bigger step than many of us are ready to take, we can learn a lesson from that idea. We can begin to put ourselves first in small ways and see how that impacts our overall well being.
The way we touch ourselves (or not) can affect the way we relate to our own body and our partners’ bodies for life. But spending time alone and focusing on pleasure regularly gets pushed off the schedule.
This ‘Masturbation May’, try taking a pledge to learn more about your body and how you like to be touched, and create a way to make that exploration special.
Schedule time with yourself
If you have space to yourself, that can be as simple as blocking out a few hours on your calendar. For others, it’s a matter of negotiating alone time, which can be tricky when you live with someone and share a bed. But masturbation is an important form of self-care and it’s worth negotiating time to yourself (and allowing your partner(s) this time, too.)
How do you start?
Try undressing more slowly one day, and enjoying your body as you do so. Looking in the mirror and giving yourself positive affirmations (even if you feel silly doing it!) can be wonderful for your self-esteem. Taking time in the shower or the bath is another great way to explore your body because it’s a space where you’re used to being naked.
Another way to make masturbation special is to take special care with the toys that you use. That could mean having a nice box to store them in, or a cloth that you wrap them in before they go into a drawer. That way, getting the toys out, and cleaning them, and putting them away, can become part of your routine of making time for yourself.
Create a Ritual
If you’re someone who likes ritual, think about lighting a candle, or using some scent, or doing something to mark the time and space that you’re using for pleasure. Setting the mood isn’t just for when you’re trying to impress a partner, you deserve the same care and romance when you’re seducing yourself.
To create your ritual, think about all of your senses, and decide how you’d like to address each one.
What lighting do you want? Would you like to make time at night, with candles glowing around the room? Or would you rather explore during mid-day when a beam of sunshine falls across your bed?
Do you want the room to be warm, and be cozied up in a pile of blankets or do you want a window open so you can feel fresh air and breeze on your skin?
Would you feel most at ease with soft music playing? Or maybe ocean sounds or other white noise? Or is it easier for you to focus when you have silence in your space?
Work your way through every element and decide how you want to feel. And remember that the mood you’re in will change day to day, hour to hour. So your ritual can always change with your mood and evolve to meet your needs.
Masturbation doesn’t have to be a solo act
Some people enjoy engaging in mutual masturbation, which can be a great way to relax and connect after a long day when you might not have the energy for other forms of sex. Or sometimes just one partner masturbates, while the other snuggles them or reads erotica out loud.
Touching yourself in front of another person can feel vulnerable, and this in turn can build a lot of intimacy and connection. Not to mention being a valuable lesson for your partner in the ways you like to be touched.
However you decide to begin, try to keep track of the things you learn about yourself, and the changes you see in your relationship with your body. And remember, this is all about you — anything you do that feels good means you’re doing it right.
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