How to Handle Relationship Transitions

Non-monogamous relationships come in all shapes and sizes. By nature, an endless possibility of configurations allows all sorts of unique solutions and accommodation. We were delighted to connect our community with a panel of diverse relationship arrangements willing to reflect on the stages of their evolving relationships.

We were joined by five unique accounts navigating the interesting dynamics that come with non-monogamous relationships and they shared the self-reflections they’ve experienced during a transition in their relationship(s). Alex and Ryan were in the throws of deciding monogamy was not sustainable for them and figuring out the structure they’d evolve into. G was recently a part of a conscious uncoupling from a relationship that began over a decade ago. SheVaughn found themselves compromising everything in their triad, which lead to a decision to step back and make room for change. Alan shared his experience realizing that he was unhappy with his living situation with his partner, which prompted a discussion and a re-evaluation of their relationship and interests.

The discussion started with a question for Effy, our founder, about her experience with bringing other partners home while living with a partner. The asker was curious about whether a protocol had been decided on. Effy noted that although there was no protocol in place, she and her partner are lucky enough to live in a two bedroom apartment where one of the bedrooms is set up to accommodate that kind of experience. While Alex and Ryan explained that their current practice was to invite their recurring partners home to meet each other rather than bring home partners to spend the night. Although bringing home a partner on nights when the other was not home was fine.

We then moved on to the topic of uncoupling transitions and how they reached the point of being able to discuss their former partners in a positive way. G pointed out that just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t worthwhile. SheVaugn and Alan agreed with this statement and SheVaugn explained that they didn’t think they were crazy during the entirety of their relationships. Alan clarified that he still considers his former romantic partner his partner, and the relationship evolved because of his own specific needs that weren’t being met and not because of any unresolved hard feelings towards him and his partner.

Someone else was curious about how our panelists learned while they were beginning their poly journey. Specifically, an audience member asked whether they wish they were told everything they needed to know and if they regret learning through mistakes. Alex was able to offer her experience of trying to fit a monogamous structure into a poly relationship. In the beginning, she was not used to sharing her thoughts and desires about/for new partners because social scripting had convinced her that it was wrong to share those feelings. Not being able to share caused her and Ryan a lot of unnecessary pain she wishes could have been avoided. Effy added that often you can create rules about what you feel you would be comfortable with in your intellectual mind but, in reality, you have no idea how you may feel when it actually happens. At some point, you have to have experiences and then come back and refine your relationship agreements based on how those experiences made you feel.

The conversation continued on to cover newly non-monogamous relationships and dating, how to prevent interference with core relationships, and negotiating time with metamours. You can catch the panelist’s full story on the live recording of this Curious Fox Tales event on our podcast. 

Curious Fox Tales are not and will never be the final word on any topic. We solely aim to encourage curiosity and provide a space for exploration through connection and story.

Listen to the podcast of the panel discussion via Curious Fox Podcast, on Apple, Spotify, Google Play, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Listen with an open and curious mind, and let us know what takeaways you receive from the discussion.

Enjoy the episode and stay curious!

Still have questions?  Visit our website, come to one of our events, check out the podcast, or find community on Facebook and Patreon. You do not need to figure this out on your own; stay find and connect a curious community of friends.