Relationship Anarchy: Why its Fundamentals May Surprise You
Illustration by @muhammedsalah_
Relationship Anarchy (RA) is probably the most elusive topic we’ve tackled at Curious Fox to date. During a Curious Fox event about RA, that we recorded in episode 68, we were fortunate to have an incredible set of panelists share their stories, experiences, and ideas as we delved into the murky waters of RA with our audience.
Relationship Anarchy has underpinnings in the political ideology of anarchy. One thing we can definitely say about this ideology is that it’s misunderstood. Most of us conjure up images of violence, chaos and apocalyptic disarray when we hear the word. When we hear it next to a word like “relationship” – so close to home – most of us clutch our hearts in anticipation of break and ache and shake our heads in confusion and dismay. It’s hard to imagine it can really be a model for healthy relationships.
This was highlighted by an audience members who shared that that Amir, one of the panelists, was the first person she ever heard who identified as a relationship anarchist. She shared that just hearing the phrase “relationship anarchy” negatively impacted her first impression of Amir; she had imagined him to be a cruel and uncaring person. After hearing Amir explain what RA means for him, she completely changed her impression of him…and relationship anarchy.
The common misconception that surrounds RA dismisses all of the lessons that relationship anarchy can teach us. When we looked closer at the belief system of anarchy, we found that the tenants closely align with non-violent ideologies, such as Buddhism. Another panelist, Windy, discussed how RA emphasizes being fully present to those you are with, being mindful of what is happening in your mind and body, and demonstrating trust and kindness within all relationships.
At its core, anarchy is about autonomy and absence of hierarchy. It advocates for self-governance over authority. It denounces concepts like capitalism, the state and democracy through elected officials. It has been described as radical. This rejection of hierarchy, emphasis on autonomy, and denouncement of societally prescribed rules on relationships are at the heart of RA. Or as another panelist, Concetta, described it, RA is about radical love.
When researching RA, the first name one comes across is Andie Nordgren, who coined the term relationship anarchy and penned “The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy.” She speaks to the abundant love, respect, and uniqueness of relationships, operating from a core set of values, rejecting the burden of the normatively and “should’s” as well as coming from a place of trust and assuming the best of intentions, handling change through communication and being intentional about your commitments.
Relationship Anarchy is not for everyone, for sure. Still, there are takeaways for everyone in any type of relationship: honoring your and your partner(s)’ autonomy, addressing any type of power dynamics within the relationship, and the intentional design of what you want to create in the world.
You can catch the panelists’ full story on the live recording of this Curious Fox Tales event on one most popular episodes. Listen with an open and curious mind, and let us know what takeaways you receive from the discussion.
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