3 Tips for Your First Lesbian Experience
Artwork by @silverillustrations
More and more women are exploring what it is like to be physically or emotionally intimate with another woman. From authors Glennon Doyle and Elizabeth Gilbert to TV stars Mary Portas and Portia de Rossi, to…well…me, women are finding themselves developing relationships with other women after years of being with men.
There are a few theories around “later-in-life lesbians” - women who express same-sex feelings or attraction after their 30s. Some researchers claim that these same-sex feelings were repressed as a result of social and religious pressure for a heteronuclear family. Other researchers claim that sexuality is fluid and a woman's erotic desires is often linked to their emotional feelings, and thus their feelings towards and attraction to other women can develop later in life.
No matter the reason, one’s heteronormative history can make the first time with a woman intimidating. These three steps can help you release your anxiety and lean into this magical experience:
Realize that there is no right way to have sex with a woman.
The only way that you will get it "wrong" is if you are not fully present to her and the experience. Every woman's body, vulva, desires, dislikes, turn ons, and sexual needs are different - so the first step is realizing that you are going to engaging in an experience with an individual and that the only thing you need to study is them.
Communication to key to a mutually satisfying experience.
Since there is no playbook for how to please all women, the only way for you to know what your partner wants is via communication. Start talking about what you both enjoy before the "big day" - think of it as sexy pre-homework.
You can ask questions like: “What kinds of protection would you like to use?” "What do you enjoy when you are touching yourself?" "What do you like when someone else is touching you?" "Tell me about your best orgasm, what were you doing or was being done to you?" Some women may like hard touch, some soft; some like penetration, others are not interested; some have multiple orgasms, while others enjoy the experience without a single climax.
Continue the conversation during your play session by asking how things feel, if she would like something harder, softer, faster, slower, etc. Listen to her words and watch how her body responds. Paying attention and communicating is key.
The experience starts before the clothes come off.
Try not to fixate on the actual sexual experience, and instead think about the experience as a whole. Everything from how the room is st up, to the music that is playing, to the scent of the candles will create the space for intimacy.
Connecting, flirting, being affectionate, and building up the energy and sexual tension will result in the two of you becoming so focused on the heat between you both, that your fears will be replaced by a craving which (combined with consent, good communication, and personalized attention) will lead to an amazing first sexual experience with any woman.
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