Choosing the Perfect Sex Toys for You and Your Partner(s)
Art by @alvarocastrodesign
Over the last few years, there have been considerable developments in sex toys for vulva and penis owners alike. From fantasy shapes like dragon cocks to discrete products that double up as exquisite jewelry, this new wave of products offers a myriad of options. With all these different sizes, shapes, materials, and settings, how do you find the right toy for you? And how can you introduce toys into play with your partner(s)?
Decide on your pleasure spots.
A few questions to ask yourself when exploring new toys are:
What “spot(s)” am I trying to hit? Are you interested in external or internal stimulation for a vulva, penis, anus, or somewhere else entirely? You may be looking for a toy that can stimulate two spots at once, like a rabbit; or a toy that will serve a double purpose, like a personal massager, or a toy that works for solo and partner play. Think about the type of pleasure that helps you achieve orgasm and the areas on your body that you would like to target (e.g., pulsating vs. vibrating, penetrating vs. stimulating, etc.).
What size do I want? There are so many sizes to choose from, choose within your preference. Remember, your first toy won’t be your only toy. If in doubt, start small and subtle and work your way up from there.
What do I want it to look like? You can find realistic-looking toys or ones that lean into fantasy and imagination. If the idea of a vibrator with rabbit ears does not do it for you, look for something with a bit more of a realistic feel. If something flesh-colored with veins is a little too real, you can find toys in all the colors of the rainbow.
How will I use the toy? Tons of toys can be used for both solo and partnered play. There are waterproof options, wearable toys, glass toys, really, this list is endless. You’ll also want to consider the power source of your toy - imagine forgetting to pack batteries for your vacation! 😳 Understanding how and where you will use the toy will help you determine the best type and brand for you.
The world is your oyster, and thankfully you’ve got options! Get on your computer and start browsing.
Consider the material.
Because toys come in various textures and materials, you want to be sure you know what your toy is made of. Look for toys that are made from a non-porous material, like high-quality silicone that can easily be washed and are safe for internal use. People with sensitive skin should take extra precautions and avoid toys with phthalates which can often cause a reaction.
Also, consider that different materials provide different sensations. Softer vibrators will not translate vibration as well as a firmer toy. Metal toys can be a fun way to explore temperature play.
When shopping for a toy, look for brands that boast their products are produced with high-quality materials and take some time to read reviews!
Consider your budget.
There are several products and various price points. Are you interested in having the newest toy on the block or the one with the potential to give you the best orgasm? Look for toys that meet your needs at various price points. Determine what could make for a good investment and what might be something you try and will spend less on.
Include your partner(s).
Toys are a great way to explore fantasies, discover new sensations, and spice things up! Discuss what you’d both like to experience, and introduce a toy into your play with a sense of curiosity and mutuality. At no point should the conversation feel like something you or your partner(s) are being pressured into doing.
Respect boundaries.
If your partner(s) gives you a hard “No” when you suggest using a toy, lean on gentle curiosity and ask for feedback on why - doing your best not to go on the defensive. This is an opportunity to learn more about their desires, previous experiences, and sexual needs. And you will be able to communicate better about your desires without the pressure of feeling like you need to be in agreement. By exploring the conversation from authenticity and curiosity, you can create a space to play without judgment.
If you get an enthusiastic “YES!” try shopping for toys together - in person if that’s available to you. Find your local sex-positive, sex education-based toy shop and go on a shopping date. You’ll get a better sense of what you’d like to experience and prepare yourself and your partner(s) for what’s to come. They might not enjoy a random dildo showing up to the party.
Once you’ve got your new toy, it might help to keep your first playtime somewhat improvisational. Make sex with your new toy a collaborative experience, and invite your partner(s) to help you explore the best ways to use it. This will keep expectations low and the fun factor high.
Art by @alvarocastrodesign
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