Draft Your Quaranteam Like a Pro
Illustration by @reesabobeesa
With no clear timeline around when social distancing will come to an end or when the world will “open up” again, are you prepared to thrive during the next few months of quarantine? Do you have a plan to meet your needs for connection and community while still staying safe? Do you need a quaranteam?
Dating and relationship coach Steve Dean discussed the variety of ways people are quaranteaming, the important questions to ask before establishing an in-person quaranteam, and how to have a connected virtual quaranteam during a workshop he hosted in the Virtual Curiosity Salon.
WHAT IS A QUARANTEAM?
A quaranteam is a group of people who have chosen to stay connected virtually or in-person while in quarantine. What makes a quaranteam different than just a group of people who happen to live together or chat via text and Zoom is that within a quaranteam, the team members discuss and agree to a set of safety standards and connection agreements which are put in place to support the group’s physical and emotional health.
There are a variety of ways in which people can quaranteam. Including, but not limited to:
living in one home together
living separately across multiple homes, with the commitment to only visit one another and to use the safest available methods of transportation
traveling to a vacation home/ rental together, where you plan on spending the next several weeks/ months
moving to a remote campground/ property together, where a small or exclusive community may already live
living separately across multiple homes, with a commitment to connect virtually each day to provide emotional support and connection
WHY CREATE A QUARANTEAM?
There are several benefits to aligning with like-minded people to help you navigate through this time of relative social isolation.
Some of the benefits of moving in with a quaranteam are:
rent splitting
shared domestic responsibilities (i.e., cleanup)
shared costs and bulk ordering (e.g., food, household products, utilities)
childcare
health insurance (if you choose to establish a teammate as a domestic partner)
Whether living with or near your quaranteam or simply connecting with them virtually, one of the biggest benefits of establishing this structure is to avoid isolation and increase your emotional support and (if possible) physical connection.
WHO DO YOU WANT ON YOUR TEAM?
The most important question to ask yourself is: who should be in the quaranteam?
Will the team be made up of friends? Family? Lovers and partners? Coworkers?
Will it be a kid-friendly or adult only environment? Will there be individuals who are at higher risk (e.g., parents and grandparents or those with autoimmune deficiencies)?
Do you want to have a small group or a larger team?
Getting clear on the type of environment that you would like to live in and who you would like to live with is key to creating a successful in-person quaranteam. Steve recommends spending time to think about what kind of living environment you thrive in (particularly because you will likely be living, working and playing in one space) and who in your life shares the same values and risk considerations that you do.
Some questions to consider when choosing quaranteam-mates are:
If you would like to live with partners or lovers, what is their relationship like with each other? What demands may be made on you in that situation, and/or how might everyone get their needs met?
If you would like to quaranteam with partner(s) who are dating other people, what expectations will be asked of all parties in order to keep the quaranteam safe? Would your partner(s) and their partner(s) be willing to make those concessions?
What is everyone’s comfort level with risk? Do you expect everyone to stay off of public transportation while a teammate expects to travel on the train to work each day? Do you expect that physical activity is limited during quarantine while a teammate plans to meet for in-person dates with Tinder matches?
Does living with a messy person or a neat freak annoy you? Are you a morning or night person, and will that impact whoever you live with?
Do you or a teammate have any food restrictions or requirements?
Are you able to communicate with your teammates and navigate through conflict together?
Aligning around values, risk precautions, and communication strategies will be key to a successful quaranteam, so be sure to ask the right questions of yourself and others before moving into a shared space.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE SHARING A SPACE?
In addition to choosing the right teammates, Steve suggests that we consider the environment that we will be quaranteaming in.
Whether the group decides to share one space or safely travel to each other’s homes, there are some questions you may want to discuss first:
If there are children, older adults, or those with autoimmune deficiencies, what accommodations may need to be made to ensure that they can be safe and thrive?
Is there enough space for everyone to work from home or homeschool comfortably?
Is there enough WiFi bandwidth to support all of the virtual working and playing?
Is there privacy for everyone to have space to themselves and/or to virtually connect with friends, family, or partner(s)?
Thinking about the living spaces that are available to you will help you determine if it is best for everyone to share one roof, to safely travel from home to home to connect with each other, or to establish a virtual quaranteam instead.
HOW CAN YOU SET UP A VIRTUAL QUARANTEAM?
It may not be safe or possible for you to live with your friends, family, or partner(s). In those instances, establishing a group of people who are committed to spending time together virtually and supporting each other emotionally is a great option to stay connected.
Steve suggests some creative ways to stay present with each other:
Attend virtual events together, play video games together, create a book club and read or discuss books together, or schedule cozy movie nights.
Explore apps that are designed to maintain connection between a chosen group of people.
Attend a virtual sex party together.
Set up a calendar, create open slots of time each day, and share the link with friends, families, or partner(s) so that they can schedule time to call or video with you.
Set up a communication platform for the group to share messages, videos, photos, and more.
Schedule virtual meals or happy hours each week. Whether you prepare the same meals or each make something different, this can be a time to wind down, talk, and share some laughs.
Set up a nanny cam. (Really!) This can be a fun tool for consenting partners and lovers who live separately. You can have it on all of the time, only during certain times (like when someone is in the shower), or turn it on whenever at a partner’s request.
Explore new dating apps or matchmaking events together.
For more information on how to have fun and unique virtual dates, check out the recording of Steve’s workshop on “Non-Monogamous Dating in the Age of Covid-19” on Patreon and the “Connection, Intimacy, and Dating During a Pandemic” episode on the Curious Fox Podcast.
STILL CURIOUS? HERE ARE SOME OPTIONS TO WATCH, READ, AND LISTEN.
To watch Steve’s workshop on how to build a quaranteam, become aPatreon member and access the full training (which will be posted in the coming weeks), as well as recordings of all of the virtual and in-person workshops and conferences hosted by Curious Fox. For more details on how to set up quaranteam, including helpful Q&A, check out our previous blog post. You can also listen to an interview with Steve Dean on the curious Fox Podcast, as Effy and Jacqueline share their own stories of quaranteaming and the lessons learned along the way.
Artwork by Reesa
Still have questions? Visit our website, come to one of our events, check out the podcast, or find community on Facebook and Patreon. You do not need to figure this out on your own; stay find and connect a curious community of friends.
To hear more curious and courageous stories, subscribe to Curious Fox for free. Each week you will find more stories and lessons, as well as ways that you can explore your curiosity.
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