The Key to Communication Starts with Knowledge of Self
Illustration by @reesabobeesa
How many times have you heard that the key to a happy and healthy relationship is communication? The real question is: “what is communication?”
Self-help books and relationship-focused websites state communication is intimacy and vulnerability. Communication is the ability to open yourself to your partner and let them see into you. The mark these sources miss sometimes is that without knowledge of self, your ability to communicate is diminished.
Communication starts with the ability to be intimate and vulnerable with yourself. Knowledge of self then allows you to feel safe enough to express what you’ve learned to your loved ones. To begin an intimate relationship with yourself start, by asking:
WHAT IS TRUE FOR ME IN THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW?
As you process that question, protect it from negative thoughts and voices that would seek to interrogate or disprove your truth. Also, keep in mind that your truth now may not be your truth later, and that’s okay. Putting too much stock in the past or the future will not help your investment in the present.
WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME FEEL SECURE AND GROUNDED?
Allow yourself to play with this question. Don’t limit yourself; allow your mind and imagination to wander. Maybe it’s binging your favorite show, dressing in your favorite oils, or contact from those that you care about to help you stay focused. As you explore this, ask yourself what you need from yourself and what you would need from a partner.
WHAT EXPERIENCES HAVE I HAD THAT’S TAUGHT ME SOMETHING?
The fact of the matter is you have no idea how you will respond to a situation until you are in a situation. We can speculate all day, but you will never know until it happens. What have you experienced that has taught you something new about yourself? Maybe it's now in the pandemic, a trip you took, or an interaction that you had that allowed you to bear witness to yourself. What did you learn about yourself at that moment and how do you feel about the growth that you had?
Now that you’ve had this insight into yourself, what do you need to tell someone else? What are the qualities of the person that would be receptive to your knowledge of self? Expressing this knowledge creates a foundation for intimacy that you and your partner(s) can build on. With knowledge of self as the root of communication, you position yourself to be receptive to fruits of relationships that are happy and healthy.
Illustration by @reesabobeesa
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